Monday, December 28, 2009
Friends who came straight out of my mind.
I successfully listed 41 true friends of mine and kept counting, and all these while I was complaining about having untrustworthy friends. I was too much emphasizing on the bad people but didn’t notice the quiet and genuine friends of mine are waiting to be with me.
Some cynical thought of the day titled "Selfishness of yours"
"I’m confused and disturbed, uncertain about how the live the world. You ask me to share with you suggesting you might be able to lead me to the answers. Unfortunately, I don’t even know the questions to be asked yet, even if I ever discover them, I’m sorry but you won’t be the audience. Not that I think you’re incapable of getting the answers right, but it’s more like I know, you don’t care about me." A person who loves you but may be intellectually weaker than you has more chances of understanding your real issue even it's a very difficult one, as opposed to the people around you who are more intellectually capable of telling you the answer has a problem of "pre-help barrier" which includes not listening.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
My Enemy
=Blinding pride=
- thinks that we need certain degree of rational pride as one of the elements that builds up confidence that let us succeed in what we do.
- prudence in handling pride is critical. As if you're not aware, too much of it is intoxicating.
=High expectation on others=
- find it irrational to expect others to have well-mannered behavior. As it is unnecessary and tiring, leading to unhappiness.
- recommends solution of humble self but overdo things but differentiate that this treatment should not be applied to others as I did. Previously.
- No one can be flawless. Within an interacting community. Every individual have varying degree and type of flaws. As we grow into adulthood, some flaws which are complex and difficult to be understood by people around us who cares i.e. some problems within us that only we ourselves can discover and find our own "custom-made" solution. Most people will choose avoidance as usual as it is perceived as the easier solution. When these individuals keep avoiding them, the bad experiences caused by their own unresolved problems, whether directly or indirectly, will haunt them throughout their lives. As an outcome, inducing fear. This is the point when people have to disguise subconsciously. Exacerbating the issue when if we innocently face it from the beginning, we could be happier - genuinely proud of ourselves and let our family and friends be comfortable around us.
"
"Defensive pessimism is a strategy used in specific situations to manage anxiety, fear, and worry," says Norem... "Defensive pessimists - prepare for a situation by setting low expectations for themselves, then follow up with a very detailed assessment of everything that may go wrong." Once they've imagined the full range of bad outcomes, they start figuring out how they'll handle them, and that gives them a sense of control.
"
=Patience=
- author is lazy to describe how important patience is. Readers interested to read to this extent should be a patient person yourself, aye, aye, aye?
- recommending for myself to get more "dose" of this.
- thinks that we need certain degree of rational pride as one of the elements that builds up confidence that let us succeed in what we do.
- prudence in handling pride is critical. As if you're not aware, too much of it is intoxicating.
=High expectation on others=
- find it irrational to expect others to have well-mannered behavior. As it is unnecessary and tiring, leading to unhappiness.
- recommends solution of humble self but overdo things but differentiate that this treatment should not be applied to others as I did. Previously.
- No one can be flawless. Within an interacting community. Every individual have varying degree and type of flaws. As we grow into adulthood, some flaws which are complex and difficult to be understood by people around us who cares i.e. some problems within us that only we ourselves can discover and find our own "custom-made" solution. Most people will choose avoidance as usual as it is perceived as the easier solution. When these individuals keep avoiding them, the bad experiences caused by their own unresolved problems, whether directly or indirectly, will haunt them throughout their lives. As an outcome, inducing fear. This is the point when people have to disguise subconsciously. Exacerbating the issue when if we innocently face it from the beginning, we could be happier - genuinely proud of ourselves and let our family and friends be comfortable around us.
"
"Defensive pessimism is a strategy used in specific situations to manage anxiety, fear, and worry," says Norem... "Defensive pessimists - prepare for a situation by setting low expectations for themselves, then follow up with a very detailed assessment of everything that may go wrong." Once they've imagined the full range of bad outcomes, they start figuring out how they'll handle them, and that gives them a sense of control.
"
=Patience=
- author is lazy to describe how important patience is. Readers interested to read to this extent should be a patient person yourself, aye, aye, aye?
- recommending for myself to get more "dose" of this.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Morphosis/My Life is changing
=It has been 1.5 years now=
In Malaysia: big influence (mindset) from Mom. Restless too because of the redundant political pressure. Had 'multipurpose' good friends around to comfort me and fool around and had great time with my girlfriend (ex now). Not enough exercise due to lack of facilities, air pollution and insane traffics in KL. Commercialized Hongky, Taiwanese and english music.
In Australia: Judging the world independently and no arms to reach when problem strikes. Living in an Australian easy culture... beers, nachos, excessive holidays etc. Good friends are Australians, having communication jerks all the time. Making cool and smarter friends at uni. Karate and swimming - love it! Both good and commercialize music accessible.
=I become myself again=
I was raised in a business family. Striving and success has been closely defined according to wealth. I can still remember my teacher's and family's comments about my personality when I was in kindergarten & primary school. An honest, real, compassionate, talkative, questioning and gave a lot of trouble during my primary school 'legacy'. I presume these properties was originally me (partly inherited from my parents and smaller proportion of environmental up bringing), as I, like most kids, have not developed convoluted thoughts, no sexual bias due to hormone spike ... yes they do play a role... and importantly feeling content just from being original.
I cannot blame them for manipulating my thoughts because those were just immense caring overwhelming the rationalization that was suppose to be imbued into my mind. By the way, I did have a satisfactory life even under their influence, just it's even better now that I think independently, and I feel more 'alive' - if you know what I mean. The feeling of having no back ups is dodgy, comprise of uncertainties and confident decisions with uncertainties again - derived from insufficient understanding of the source of decision.
I have my short term path laid nicely. I'm going to have a relatively nicer CV for a better chance of getting a job. Those were thought by my mom: "look ahead of you, prioritize your task", etc. Thanks mom, you're a Champ. Needless to say you literally are a champ with your collection of awards gathering dust in your store room. Even with the hardest and complex decision on future careers' paths, I can still remember a systematic way of decision making - plotting a powerful decision table told by my elder bro who's now a multinational company's important person with two smarty sons. Great news is, he's finally returning to home after 13 years of career battle and decided to stay near us. I'm thinking right now of reuniting with them, won't that be great, just as a family?
BUT wait... With so much gratitude and proper planning. I still feel that there is so much more that I can do. This was the feeling that lead me to write this blog. And open end. I'm looking for the one, who will pull two ends of a line together and make a complete, self sufficient, forever running circle - a nicely said metaphor which means to me that love is like batteries, giving the calculator extra power when there's not enough light source. I know, I make funny metaphors. That's the drawback of being blunt and inefficient knowledge of vocabulary use. Nevertheless, thinking back, my formal relationship did played the "battery" role. When I work, late night or sick, I still had the energy to kept going. I could memorize the most boring lecture ever just because I know the purpose of doing so - that is to make her proud. Even after I remotely settled in Australia, distant from her, I feel even 'stronger' to strive hard, until last two semester, I manage to do only what I like and neglecting the things which are still important but unfortunately not my favorite. Oh well, results are coming out, I shall face the collateral damage very soon (although I should pass all of them).
I guess most people will have to overcome the similar problem I'm facing now. If somebody manages to live through means that there should be an answer. I just need to learn how to deal with it which is still a puzzle. I'm not complaining, instead I am happy that I have met a problem in which I will solve in a future time. I will be good.
"Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars."
- Les Brown
In Malaysia: big influence (mindset) from Mom. Restless too because of the redundant political pressure. Had 'multipurpose' good friends around to comfort me and fool around and had great time with my girlfriend (ex now). Not enough exercise due to lack of facilities, air pollution and insane traffics in KL. Commercialized Hongky, Taiwanese and english music.
In Australia: Judging the world independently and no arms to reach when problem strikes. Living in an Australian easy culture... beers, nachos, excessive holidays etc. Good friends are Australians, having communication jerks all the time. Making cool and smarter friends at uni. Karate and swimming - love it! Both good and commercialize music accessible.
=I become myself again=
I was raised in a business family. Striving and success has been closely defined according to wealth. I can still remember my teacher's and family's comments about my personality when I was in kindergarten & primary school. An honest, real, compassionate, talkative, questioning and gave a lot of trouble during my primary school 'legacy'. I presume these properties was originally me (partly inherited from my parents and smaller proportion of environmental up bringing), as I, like most kids, have not developed convoluted thoughts, no sexual bias due to hormone spike ... yes they do play a role... and importantly feeling content just from being original.
I cannot blame them for manipulating my thoughts because those were just immense caring overwhelming the rationalization that was suppose to be imbued into my mind. By the way, I did have a satisfactory life even under their influence, just it's even better now that I think independently, and I feel more 'alive' - if you know what I mean. The feeling of having no back ups is dodgy, comprise of uncertainties and confident decisions with uncertainties again - derived from insufficient understanding of the source of decision.
I have my short term path laid nicely. I'm going to have a relatively nicer CV for a better chance of getting a job. Those were thought by my mom: "look ahead of you, prioritize your task", etc. Thanks mom, you're a Champ. Needless to say you literally are a champ with your collection of awards gathering dust in your store room. Even with the hardest and complex decision on future careers' paths, I can still remember a systematic way of decision making - plotting a powerful decision table told by my elder bro who's now a multinational company's important person with two smarty sons. Great news is, he's finally returning to home after 13 years of career battle and decided to stay near us. I'm thinking right now of reuniting with them, won't that be great, just as a family?
BUT wait... With so much gratitude and proper planning. I still feel that there is so much more that I can do. This was the feeling that lead me to write this blog. And open end. I'm looking for the one, who will pull two ends of a line together and make a complete, self sufficient, forever running circle - a nicely said metaphor which means to me that love is like batteries, giving the calculator extra power when there's not enough light source. I know, I make funny metaphors. That's the drawback of being blunt and inefficient knowledge of vocabulary use. Nevertheless, thinking back, my formal relationship did played the "battery" role. When I work, late night or sick, I still had the energy to kept going. I could memorize the most boring lecture ever just because I know the purpose of doing so - that is to make her proud. Even after I remotely settled in Australia, distant from her, I feel even 'stronger' to strive hard, until last two semester, I manage to do only what I like and neglecting the things which are still important but unfortunately not my favorite. Oh well, results are coming out, I shall face the collateral damage very soon (although I should pass all of them).
I guess most people will have to overcome the similar problem I'm facing now. If somebody manages to live through means that there should be an answer. I just need to learn how to deal with it which is still a puzzle. I'm not complaining, instead I am happy that I have met a problem in which I will solve in a future time. I will be good.
"Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars."
- Les Brown
Friday, May 1, 2009
Independence Day
I almost died twice when I was on riding a bike. Sounds exaggerating but it was only few seconds gap that separated the life and death. From killing me this evening it became a second warning letter.
Flase alarm: I was cornering from a steep and straight downhill, enjoying the cool breeze came with the speed. I was not expecting extensive parkings on that road. Like cornering described below (see second time) I flipped over into a lawn and spun on it like horizontal ballet and I wasn't hurt.
First time: I was crashing the turn at the lights without intention (like Singapore - even green is on you edge out and wait until opposite direction's car is clear before you turn) - I should never cycle too early in the morning because I was still not completely awakened and saw green light but didn't bother to stop. The car slowed down at the traffic lights even he/she has the green light from about 800m away. Ended up slightly colliding my back wheel and bent.
Second time: This evening at approximately 3pm. On my way back I cycled an 'S' downhill with max speed. Cars were allowed to run at 40kmh restriction and it was lovely that this is Australia, people don't get away from persecution due to pigmentation factor, road rules applies to everyone and that old folk drove his BMW slowly. While I was cornering, I was surprised to see that red BMW so near hence I reflectively breaked, I should break less so that I reduce speed and not flip over by my momentum - may be you can recommend what I should have done? I flipped over when I got closer and closer to perpendicular angle with the road and I was thrown down and rolled several rounds - kind of enjoyable rolling with great momentum honestly. Now with bloody scratches on the skin of my right knee, ankle, knuckle on fist and shoulder I suffer only stinging when shower. Mom was right, I was wrapping the bike, wasn't the other way, car's always worth the price. Nobody let my mom know about this please! I shall ride like a turtle from now on.
Cut the jokiness
"I'm sorry, I would slow down next time" was what I said to the driver when he came to check me out resting on where I landed. I prayed that he doesn't have heart conditions. It happened in seconds and all I knew is that the car's running wheel was not far away from my body. Within that brief time, I thought of the helmet protecting my head and the condition of my brother's bag that I was carrying which indicates I didn't really manage to think of anything with that amount of time. After that I rested on the road side and checked my wounds. I wasn't worried about myself, instead, I thought of my mother and siblings and became sentimental. I would wanna leave them a message say ifwas touchwood it was a mess instead. I thought that I would say "sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you" to my mom, I was dumb for not thinking about the correlation of slow = more time to react hence safety. Imagine if she raised me up and now almost graduating from UQ and I write a full-stop to her effort, more than that, she lost her beloved son although with good amount of insurace claims.
Being a Casualty
Once I arrive the residence I went look for the first aid box. Sarah Woodlands brought me to get the first aid box and try to calm me down and tried to probe me in thinking if I have awkward feelings such as dizziness and being cautious she wanted to check if I cracked my skull (imagine I took of my helmet and she checking - look hilarious but I think she's brilliant). I tend to have this nature of persuading ppl not to worry when I'm hurt. I'm guessing she being the elder sibling doesn't buy it but taking every precautions, good work for not being decieved! All casualties needs attention, otherwise they might have a glass shatters at the hind skull but smiling at you! I have to say I was glad someone concerned too. A part the cause of my mental nature, most residents are younger than me and didn't really bother to check out this guy smiling with bloody wounds.
Life is great and I wanna appreciate it. Accidents poke through ours skin to warn us from danger as well as refreshes our mind about the primary things that matters and should be pending to be done and telling us how silly it is to live in our past unfortunate memories. This scratches on my skin stings me but also make me feel more alive. I wanna do more karate with my friends here, study harder and keep moving on my path!
Lastly, purchase your own INSURANCE now! +60125233689 Vanessa (Malaysia).
Flase alarm: I was cornering from a steep and straight downhill, enjoying the cool breeze came with the speed. I was not expecting extensive parkings on that road. Like cornering described below (see second time) I flipped over into a lawn and spun on it like horizontal ballet and I wasn't hurt.
First time: I was crashing the turn at the lights without intention (like Singapore - even green is on you edge out and wait until opposite direction's car is clear before you turn) - I should never cycle too early in the morning because I was still not completely awakened and saw green light but didn't bother to stop. The car slowed down at the traffic lights even he/she has the green light from about 800m away. Ended up slightly colliding my back wheel and bent.
Second time: This evening at approximately 3pm. On my way back I cycled an 'S' downhill with max speed. Cars were allowed to run at 40kmh restriction and it was lovely that this is Australia, people don't get away from persecution due to pigmentation factor, road rules applies to everyone and that old folk drove his BMW slowly. While I was cornering, I was surprised to see that red BMW so near hence I reflectively breaked, I should break less so that I reduce speed and not flip over by my momentum - may be you can recommend what I should have done? I flipped over when I got closer and closer to perpendicular angle with the road and I was thrown down and rolled several rounds - kind of enjoyable rolling with great momentum honestly. Now with bloody scratches on the skin of my right knee, ankle, knuckle on fist and shoulder I suffer only stinging when shower. Mom was right, I was wrapping the bike, wasn't the other way, car's always worth the price. Nobody let my mom know about this please! I shall ride like a turtle from now on.
Cut the jokiness
"I'm sorry, I would slow down next time" was what I said to the driver when he came to check me out resting on where I landed. I prayed that he doesn't have heart conditions. It happened in seconds and all I knew is that the car's running wheel was not far away from my body. Within that brief time, I thought of the helmet protecting my head and the condition of my brother's bag that I was carrying which indicates I didn't really manage to think of anything with that amount of time. After that I rested on the road side and checked my wounds. I wasn't worried about myself, instead, I thought of my mother and siblings and became sentimental. I would wanna leave them a message say ifwas touchwood it was a mess instead. I thought that I would say "sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you" to my mom, I was dumb for not thinking about the correlation of slow = more time to react hence safety. Imagine if she raised me up and now almost graduating from UQ and I write a full-stop to her effort, more than that, she lost her beloved son although with good amount of insurace claims.
Being a Casualty
Once I arrive the residence I went look for the first aid box. Sarah Woodlands brought me to get the first aid box and try to calm me down and tried to probe me in thinking if I have awkward feelings such as dizziness and being cautious she wanted to check if I cracked my skull (imagine I took of my helmet and she checking - look hilarious but I think she's brilliant). I tend to have this nature of persuading ppl not to worry when I'm hurt. I'm guessing she being the elder sibling doesn't buy it but taking every precautions, good work for not being decieved! All casualties needs attention, otherwise they might have a glass shatters at the hind skull but smiling at you! I have to say I was glad someone concerned too. A part the cause of my mental nature, most residents are younger than me and didn't really bother to check out this guy smiling with bloody wounds.
Life is great and I wanna appreciate it. Accidents poke through ours skin to warn us from danger as well as refreshes our mind about the primary things that matters and should be pending to be done and telling us how silly it is to live in our past unfortunate memories. This scratches on my skin stings me but also make me feel more alive. I wanna do more karate with my friends here, study harder and keep moving on my path!
Lastly, purchase your own INSURANCE now! +60125233689 Vanessa (Malaysia).
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Be strong!
The author observed a trend in guys and decided to share this important piece of information. Pretty sure some one has came up with it for many times before. Oh, well... lets begin.
There's three types of male lovers.
No.1: A guy you admire so much of everything he does, he says he loves you and you know he really does but he just seemed does not care about anything you say or do. But it is your choice to continue to be crazy over him, you can stay in the relationship but it will be like that forever.
Stimulation: Just as an interested reader, what do you think will be the outcome of the relationship?
No.2 Again both of you love each other. Together both of you are very happy, he cares for you regularly and buys you all the things wishing to impress you. Shows up when you need him, remembers all the anniversaries. Just a satisfying guy.
No.3 A guy who has nothing to give you. But the only thing he has which is his life, he undoubtedly can give it to you... you become old and ugly, fat or slim, healthy or sick. To him it does not make any difference and he will stay beside you with love till his last breath.
Question: Which is true and the strongest love? I won't ask you which type of bf you're going out with cause likely you can't tell. But may be you think about it, it'll tell you some moral behind, like...
1. If he is a no.3 guy, you're damn lucky cause they are rarer than abalone, may be whales?
2. Know what kind of girl you are and don't waste your bf's time if you know he's not the guy.
3. There's no point to be greedy. He will be him. You can manipulate him temporarily. Once he knows you belongs to him, he'll show his real face.
4. Many things that I'll tell you after I get my sleep... it's so late now.
Leave your comment!
There's three types of male lovers.
No.1: A guy you admire so much of everything he does, he says he loves you and you know he really does but he just seemed does not care about anything you say or do. But it is your choice to continue to be crazy over him, you can stay in the relationship but it will be like that forever.
Stimulation: Just as an interested reader, what do you think will be the outcome of the relationship?
No.2 Again both of you love each other. Together both of you are very happy, he cares for you regularly and buys you all the things wishing to impress you. Shows up when you need him, remembers all the anniversaries. Just a satisfying guy.
No.3 A guy who has nothing to give you. But the only thing he has which is his life, he undoubtedly can give it to you... you become old and ugly, fat or slim, healthy or sick. To him it does not make any difference and he will stay beside you with love till his last breath.
Question: Which is true and the strongest love? I won't ask you which type of bf you're going out with cause likely you can't tell. But may be you think about it, it'll tell you some moral behind, like...
1. If he is a no.3 guy, you're damn lucky cause they are rarer than abalone, may be whales?
2. Know what kind of girl you are and don't waste your bf's time if you know he's not the guy.
3. There's no point to be greedy. He will be him. You can manipulate him temporarily. Once he knows you belongs to him, he'll show his real face.
4. Many things that I'll tell you after I get my sleep... it's so late now.
Leave your comment!
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
I had a Valentine.
She has a pair of big and adorable eyes, she's beautiful and she was my valentine until valentine's day 09. I had a thought this morning, that is to secure chaste for half-a-year to commemorate the death of our love... though I wouldn't do it (obsolescence), I understand that I had a true love that lasted 3 years and I made a tough decision to embed it i
n my heart for eternity.
She thought me about "what a girl wants and needs". She had bore with my bad temper for almost all the time just to wait for some caring words from me. I only began to treat her in a gentleman way on this return. I ordered her favorite dishes, I let her "bully" me as she wants and tried to smile as often as possible whenever she stares into my eyes. I bought movie tickets beforehand and arranged valentine's dinner at a Bistro. I learned a few lyrics of her favorite artist and I am so glad I have more than enough time to sing all to her. I flew from Australia to Singapore to spend time with her and her family. She said I did well and made her family happy and comfort. May be I became gentle, she allowed herself to speak herself too. I hear her for the first time of my life, speaking words from the bottom of her heart how she felt for me... I was lucky, she loved me as deep too.
My favorite gift to her: because I made it with my own pair of hands. I wanted her to have my first Sunflower forever, the pair of dices and ladybirds (big me small her) is our own love symbol. I thank her for doing the painting in the end with me.
Our break up was the happiest one could ever experience. We cried and embraced each other, and at the same time tried to persuade each other not to be sad and expressed all the apologies we could ever think of. Even at the tip of our last moment where we were separated by a thick glass, we flirted each other with our own body language; as though if that incidence did not occur, we would hold each others hands and never let go.
I wanna thank her for:
1. Making me understand what love is all about.
2. Being honest although at the late end.
3. Trusting me.
4. Forgiving me.
5. Took good care of my fragile heart at the last two days.
I'll be good in the future as she wished, hope the same to her too. Goodbye Wai San and 3 years love, lovely to have you around.
n my heart for eternity.She thought me about "what a girl wants and needs". She had bore with my bad temper for almost all the time just to wait for some caring words from me. I only began to treat her in a gentleman way on this return. I ordered her favorite dishes, I let her "bully" me as she wants and tried to smile as often as possible whenever she stares into my eyes. I bought movie tickets beforehand and arranged valentine's dinner at a Bistro. I learned a few lyrics of her favorite artist and I am so glad I have more than enough time to sing all to her. I flew from Australia to Singapore to spend time with her and her family. She said I did well and made her family happy and comfort. May be I became gentle, she allowed herself to speak herself too. I hear her for the first time of my life, speaking words from the bottom of her heart how she felt for me... I was lucky, she loved me as deep too.
My favorite gift to her: because I made it with my own pair of hands. I wanted her to have my first Sunflower forever, the pair of dices and ladybirds (big me small her) is our own love symbol. I thank her for doing the painting in the end with me.Our break up was the happiest one could ever experience. We cried and embraced each other, and at the same time tried to persuade each other not to be sad and expressed all the apologies we could ever think of. Even at the tip of our last moment where we were separated by a thick glass, we flirted each other with our own body language; as though if that incidence did not occur, we would hold each others hands and never let go.
I wanna thank her for:
1. Making me understand what love is all about.
2. Being honest although at the late end.
3. Trusting me.
4. Forgiving me.
5. Took good care of my fragile heart at the last two days.
I'll be good in the future as she wished, hope the same to her too. Goodbye Wai San and 3 years love, lovely to have you around.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)